I almost titled this post “The Anxiety is Under Control”, but is it really? It’s manageable now, but if it’s under control would I still have anxiety? In the 5 months that I first told you guys that I suffer from anxiety things have gotten a lot better. I don’t think I actually came out and said what type of anxiety that I suffer from, but it’s the ridiculous kind. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I call it the ridiculous kind, because I worry and have anxiety over the smallest things. Random and insignificant things that have become huge in my head.
I am grateful that I at least do not have depression, but anxiety is really no picnic either. Cognitive behavioral therapy has helped a lot. Back in February when I announced that I had anxiety I would not have been able to talk myself out of an “episode”. These anxiety/panic episodes usually consist of my mind going straight to the worse case scenario, my heart racing a mile a minute and just a crushing feeling of dread.
I’ve learned to rationalize and question things that would normally send me into a frenzied mess. “Are you in imminent danger?” “What harm is that actually causing?” “Is the situation as bad as you think it is?”
I rarely ever went out with friends due to the anxiety, but I’m happy to tell you that I have done a better job of doing so these days.
My friend Holly asked me to meet her at Cheesecake Factory for brunch a few Sundays ago. Normally, I would have made an excuse not to go, but I decided to do it. Did I have anxiety about it? Yes. I don’t like leaving my house once I’m in it. I have no anxiety whatsoever about going to work every week day, but if I’m home in the evenings or on the weekends it’s hard for me to leave. For whatever reason I think if I’m not physically at the house I am going to miss something happening to it. Don’t ask me what I think could happen to my house, because I can’t tell you. I just think that something could.
Anyway, I went to brunch with Holly and had a great time. I ordered the Brûlée French Toast. It was delicious, but way too big for someone like me! I only managed to eat one french toast. I normally don’t like sweet dishes, but I couldn’t pass this one up.
The point is that I’ll probably never be cured of anxiety, but I can learn to have a meaningful life while managing it.